The Essays
"The Worst Halloween Ever (And I Really Mean It)"
Memories of my worst Halloween still "haunt" me. My mother encouraged me to be creative, suggesting we make my costume. Years later, I found out that creativity had nothing to do with it, but lack of cold, hard cash was the real reason.
I was seven years old and like most boys I wanted a costume that would scare the socks off anyone who saw me. I decided on a lion costume. Mom worked her magic turning me into the King of the Jungle just in the nick of time.
I was so proud of my lion suit. I thought I looked every bit as ferocious as the MGM lion that roared at the beginning of the Tarzan movies that I would watch faithfully every Saturday afternoon. It was only later when reality hit me that I realized that I resembled Big Foot with a bad case of psoriasis. Mom took a photo of me to capture the moment.
I grabbed my jack-o'-lantern bucket and off I went trick-or-treating. The first house I came to a lady exclaimed as she opened the door "Oh, look, a giant teddy bear!" "I am a lion," I said, with my tail tucked between my legs. I proceeded to the next house.
I knocked on the second door as the woman peeked out the front window. She must have thought I was a real lion because she closed the curtains and turned off the porch light. I rang the doorbell several times, to no avail. I smiled, thinking she was terribly afraid of me. I wanted to scare people but not to the extent of not getting candy.
The third house I visited a man came to the door dressed as a vampire. I was so afraid I fell as I turned to run. I remember looking up from the ground as he came toward me. "Are you OK?" the vampire asked. I screamed, got up, and ran as fast as I could. As I ran I thought he's going to turn into a vampire bat and fly down and try to bite me in the neck. I was surely thankful my costume covered my neck. I ran faster than I had ever ran before. I would not be his dinner. No Way!
The fourth house on my quest for sugar belonged to a little old lady. She was the oldest person I had ever seen in all of my seven and one-half years. She looked at me and told me to wait while she went to the kitchen. Visions of caramel apples and popcorn balls danced in my head. She soon returned with a can of sardines! She dropped it in my jack-o'-lantern bucket and told me she had given away all her candy.
My Halloween was a disaster, but my kitty cat had a Happy Halloween. She ate every bite of the sardines. I went home with a few pieces of candy, scrapes on my knees, a can of fish, and a bucket full of memories.
Jim McDowell